Let's be honest...

So I've been keeping my blog very positive to keep anyone from worrying about me. As you see on the website for the farm I am currently at, it looks very nice. Looks can be decieving. I had quite a lovely picture in my mind about what my experience would be like here and what the farm would be like. Having such big expectations can lead to bigger dissapointments. The farm here doesn't have much order. Not much at all. And the farmers grow veggies for profit. They work very hard, and they do appreciate the work us WWOOFers do, but it's not the enriching experience I hoped for. Debo and Anna are great company, but otherwise we're all working during the day and in the evening hanging around waiting for the next days work. So much chaos, tools everywhere. Not much or a schedule. To be honest Anders is the only one of the two that is working very hard. They are both very nice, but Karin is not so proactive on the farm. And she talks frequently about herself and how hard she works and how tired she is and blah, blah blah. But I don;t want to be too negitive. They don't work us to the bone and Anders understands that we are not on contract and he does not own us, so we can start and stop work whenever we want. |I'm so enthusiastic about making things better than when I found them, and helping other people with their task, and I've been that way a bit here, but realized my enthusiasm and hard work isn't really recognized, being that Anders has his hands full.

So let me explain to you the series of events from the last day or so. So I am in Sweden for four months and wrote to a few farms about WWOOFing in August. Then I thought, if i'm so unhappy here, why don't I find a new place to stay? Then while talking with Anna a bit she said ''You came a really long way to not be enjoying your experience.'' She's totally right! Her and Debo are here for other reasons, but we complain about things together. It's mostly petty complaining. And we are being fed and what not. Debo is here to get out of her comfort zone, find out what she can and cannot go without and to realize the things she really appreciates in her life. Anna is here because she is learning Swedish and making her way into a school in Uppsala for Organic Gardening and such things. They both have about a week left here. I on the other hand still have another three weeks that the farm expected me. So after Anna opened my eyes, I really started to think. She's right. I don't have to put myself through this. I'm only in Europe for so long. Why feel like I have to put up with things that aren't satisfying? I have all the power to change my situation if i'm unsatisfied, so why complain? I decided to be proactive instead. I proceeded to write to three or four farms near by and was planning on how I was going to tell Karin I'm leaving. I was a little nervous to tell karin that I am switching to another farm, Anna has been here since February and seen 10 people come through here to stay, two who only made it through two nights before they left. One said something along the lines of ''it's not you, it's me.'' which Karin understood and sent her on her way. The other girl was honest and said This farm is too crazy and unorginized for me, which Karin then turned into blame on the girl and made the girl feel guilty and wrong for feeling that way. So I was thinking of making up a story as to why I had to leave. Something about a sick family member or something crazy. But then Anna and Debo told me I owe Karin no explination. Anders is the one who should know why I'm leaving considering he does most of the hard work around here. The three of us have a soft spot for Anders. He is genuine hard working person, and always can find something to smile about.

This morning we started working in the greenhouse planting the tomatoes in beds. Anders I think could sense what was going on with me. He then asked in his swedish accent, so sweet, ''Everything okay with you today?''. Since He asked I figured I would tell him ''I'm looking for a new place to stay and will be leaving in the next couple of days.''.  ''Okay, can I ask why?'' This is when I started to get a bit choked up with emotion. ''You don't have to tell me, thats okay too.'' I let some tears fall and started to explain that it is not what I expected here, and I'm not getting the enriching experience that I hoped for.'' Meanwhile I'm trying to hold back my tears. He said ''It's okay, it's good to let your emotion out, so cry if you need to.'' We proceeded to talk, and I, between my tears, explained how hard I worked to get here and how far I came to feel unsatisfied with the experience. Also I told him some of my critsism of the farm and his wife sometimes makes my skin itch. He was absolutly understanding and had no problem with me wanting to leave. He said he gets critisized all the time, but the way his farm runs works fine for him and has for many years. We both have a common understanding there is no reason to change for others. The conversation ended with smiles and thumbs up and I continued my work for the morning.

 On break at 11 one of the farms I wrote to wrote me back and told me to call so we could Chat. I called, left a message and Charlotte, the woman called back within five minutes. She was happy to have me come and I was so happy to find a new place to go! She has been here before and knows Karin. She understands the situation I am in and gave me very good directions on how to get to her.

I then went into the kitchen where Lars-silver-hair and Karin were preparing lunch. ''So I hear you're leaving us?''  I then told her ''Yes, I just confirmed another location and I'm headed there tomorrow.'' She then responded by saying ''Well good because we could all sense your bad attitude and you were bringing everyone down. So better you take it along with you!'' I couldn't believe my ears. I was shocked, I had nothing to say to her. I've been here for a week, been so pleasant and working hard. Whenever she asks how things are I never tell her my complants as to save myself from an excruciating conversation. For her nothing is wrong and she does no wrong. She se's herself as wonderful and hardworking. And we have all sat through many lunches where Karin was the topic of conversation and she was the dominant voice. So I just turned around and walked out of the kitchen. Better to not waste my energy on an ignorant person. But I was enraged! So I decided to be like a Turtle.

Sometimes Debo, Anna and I get into some heated conversations about the rediculousness of this farm and Karin. The other day Debo said ''When I'm here and see the life these people live  I realize there is Nothing wrong in my life!!'' and we both laughed and laughed in aggrement. She then told me about this story her dad told her about a Wise turtle. All the creatures turned to the wise turtle for advise when things in their life seemed so wrong and hard and confusing. The turtle would then respond in a very calm manor ''Take things slow, enjoy every day, live your life and be happy.'' So now whenever we start to get all heated about Karin, or the Crazy life these farmers choose to live, we remind ourselves to be a turtle.

I realized that when I am unhappy, the complaining can become endless. What has now been brought to light for me is why waste all my energy complaining when I have complete control over my situation right now. Better to put that energy into making change.

The farm I am now headed to is a small family farm that supplies for themselves and some neighbors. They also have a few young kiddo's. I don't know too much about it yet, but the woman was very honest on the phone and very kind. Here is the short description they had posted on the WWOOF website.

''Långmyra Gård
Horses sheep dogs hens rabbits cats
Our vision is to only live on what this farm can give us.Many children around us. Activities: contruction of several buildings, preparing the vegetable gardens, training and riding the iclandic horses, , picking berries and mushrooms,cutting sheeps, forest work,
Accomodation in apartment in the barn with heating and kitchen.''


 I'll post more about my new location when I get there.  Wish me Luck!!